Abstract.

Abstract,
My mind are screw up,
I can't find the exit door in the end side of a tunnel,
Confused to make a turn in the way,
I need a change,
Need some revolutionary ideas,
I'm desperate of a joyful feeling,
I can't be like this anymore,
If only I could turn back the time,
I will throw away the feeling for you,
You taking a lot of my happiness,
I want it back,
You're just like deadly poison,
And you're the cure of that poison,
I'm on the edge without options,
You're just a chipper,
Laugh at your happiness,
And eat all my happiness,
You just don't know what I feel,
If only you could see,
And if I could talk to you like all of this sh*t I wrote tonight,
It doesn't matter anymore,
I still wanna see you happy,
Even with my f*cking friend,
That used to support me,
Hello f*cking friend,
Your honesty like a back that hide a knife,
A perfect back stab,
Both of you like a perfect couple,
Of course a fake f*cking couple,
I just wanna my life go back in a normal way,
I don't care about you,
I don't care about him,
Finish your own business,
I just care for myself,
Feel like this is unfair,
You feel the sweet moment,
And the rest of it is for me,
The bitter moment,
Face it,
I almost get over it,
But you always come back,
Damn,
Sorry for writing this for you,
I cannot hold this hatred,
Words speak louder than a heart break feeling,
Thank you.

Ego!

Aku dan kamu memilikinya
Tapi perasaan kita berbeda bentuk
Aku digebuki perasaan, lebam
Senyum itu kamu

Indah, menyelimuti hari
Menerpa dingin penembus sukma
Meneguk air penghancur dahaga
Suaramu itu

Aku ingin, sampai obsesi
Hanya itu salahku, Ego!
Kamu tetap terlelap dalam senyuman
Dan aku kaku, terdiam.

Masih,

Diamku, tersiksa
Perasaan deras menghujam
Mencinta kamu, yang dulu terabaikan
Diacuhkan mataku
Murni, untukmu

Mencoba dan terjatuh
Aku berani mencinta! Menahan tersimpan dalam senyuman
Datang merenggut, aku terenggut
Hilang dengan dia
Terhempas badai, itu aku

Benci terpaksa
Berlari! Aku mampu!
Lalu mati, diracuni senyuman
Tersimpan dalam

Masih, menggebu
Berdetak dan mengalir
Terjebak dalam pikiranku, itu kamu
Mimpi indah

Purpose

Life that we live,
No one ever said that's gonna be easy. But there's no such thing called impossible.
We all can make it through with our fight, our pray, our hopes, our faith and everything that we have and we can to make us closer to our destination.

Destination? Its totally abstract! Because everyone has their destination of their life. There are short destination and long destination, even one person maybe have so many destination in their life. Also maybe until now there are someone that still searching their best destination.

For me destination are very important. Why destination in your life mean so important? In my opinion destination is the main part of our life. When there's a destination it can change your way of life, it might be hard or easy. And if there's a destination your life its gonna feel so meaningful, because you know what to do to get there into your destination, not just waste your time until dead.

Although, in the end all of you think about is what is your purpose if you get there into your destination? and second effect is what you get? what you feel in the journey to your own destination?
Everyone had their own destination and different purpose of it.

Feel your own journey of your life and take step ahead to your destination from now.

Beliefs

Its just like a ritual for me and my futsal team, after had a good game last night, we had some evaluation for the game and personal performance in that game. And also we have a little conversation.
Maybe its just like a blitz in my thought, that what we have talked about does mean something to me and my life. Last night our topic its about belief - religion and lots about history.

Actually what my friend said about belief and religion maybe right, I dont know for sure. But in my opinion some of them were right : that we born-we live-until now-we spend our time believe in our parent's belief (not purely on what our own belief).
I was born and live as a Muslim, because of my parents' religion is Islam and teach me as a Muslim. I think it back again on what we believe. Instead we just accept it from our parents without have some believe. We do have a choice for that, for deciding what we believe. And for me its more meaningful than you just accept on beliefs of your parents. For me finding on what you believe and then you have what your believe in : its more worth it. And you certainly have more spirit to implement your beliefs in daily activity.

What I said earlier doesn't mean I disbelief in Islam. I just need more passion to implement what I believe in now (Islam). I still try to finding out in what I believe, so then I can go throught my life more peaceful because I carry out with what I believe.

Fin.
Hope after Ramadhan,I;m getting more better as a Muslim. And strengthen my believe in Islam. Amin
Happy Ied Mubarak!

Hatred

The flashback starts.

as you say your sweet words to me.
you take me high too infinity.
and then you drop me down.
easy for you.
enjoy your veil of my stolen hopes.
dreams.
my fantasy.
you took them all.


Congratulations, I hate you - Alesana
"But don't expect me to be happy for you. And don't smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too"
"As you build your dreams on my shattered hopes. I'll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy"
"My envy can't describe how I loathe you for having all the stars. Leaving my eyes to marvel the sky knowing it should be mine. Yet it's you I see wasting the dream that only I deserve. I'll tear off your face to see your smile"

I used to feel that feeling above, maybe now its just a little bit. Feel of anger. Hatred. Loathe. Aversion. of what you have done to me Lady Dutch.

“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.” 

-Will Smith-

Thanks God (and Will Smith)! Now I realize that the anger can't solve my problem, beside it can consume me too. For me now, patient and getting close to God is all the answer that I searching for.
Good bye Lady Dutch!

Insomnia Attack

Hello Night! and the Cold that follow behind..
Insomnia Attack!
It happen to me again and again. I feel tired and need to sleep. But I can't.

Itulah yang selalu terjadi sama gw, beberapa bulan belakangan ini gw selalu mengalami insomnia. Mungkin kalo buat sekarang ini (Bulan Ramadhan) ada untungnya juga sih gw Insomnia. Gw bisa bangun sahur lebih cepet dibandingkan yang lain dan gw bisa makan lebih banyak dibandingkan yang lain haha (rakus). Tapi buat bulan biasa atau bahkan pas jadwal kuliah sedang padat, Insomnia yang gw alami memberikan dampak buruk: gw jadi sering ketiduran pas jam kuliah-muka beler (biasa)-lemes-lesu-tidak fokus-kurang konsentrasi-dan lemah syahwat (loh!)

Keep moving...
I already try everything to make me feel sleepy and easy to go to sleep in the NIGHT, but..the result just not like what I expected. Some of my friend said that I must get very tired-exhausted-and feel fatigue until your body need to sleep very much! I already do that dude! I get tired. I get exhausted. I feel so fatigue. But still I can't go to sleep. Crap!

Another advice from my friend : before you sleep, you have to listen some peaceful music or maybe music that you like, so you can feel peace and feel sleepy then easy to sleep. I try that advice, for the beginning I feel sleepy as I listen to peaceful music (instrumental) but then? I get bored and I change the music that I like. Of course! the music that represent my feeling in that NIGHT. After scrolling my iPod I choose Alesana (Punk-Hardcore Genre) Hem! I get the peaceful feeling as I listen to that songs, but I can't sleep because the music is too loud [If its too loud? you're too old! -JavaRockin'Land] Crap!

Until then..I realize that my soul isn't feel peace, so i get so hard to go to sleep. Too many pressure in my head. Too many whisper and memories of her. Too many picture of her come upside-down in my head. Her? HER? A Girl? oh men Haf! in the end its just all about a girl. Yeah I know this is not a quite good reason to much thinking of the one that you love that even not thinking of you, and the bad thing it make you get an unhealthy life (Insomnia).

Yeah it happen all the time, actually on June-July my Insomnia has going to a high level and all because of her..And for now? I almost get over her and start to move on, and for the Insomnia? I think it becomes my bad habit hahaha.
But its not healthy Haf! You need to sleep! I know dear! But I CAN'T

Fin.
Trying to go Sleep (again)
Fasten your seat-belt and now we go to the MOON! Bye!